Perspectives

Five years ago in Nov 2011, David and I came to Hospital Lumiere for the first time.  I remember the week, a lot of the challenges, a lot of the thoughts that we had.  And it is so interesting how our perspective has changed on some of these things after living here in this community for almost 3 years.

*The adventure has worn off.  Or in other words, it's normal to us now.  The crazy driving, being a minority, figuring out how things work....all have somehow slowly become normal.  Even the noise is mostly distinguishable.  We hear the repeating sound of a kazoo (for lack of better word), and know a rah-rah band traveling down the road.  Lots of loud kids hollering around 10am means it is recess at school.  The brass band and the "death" mourning wail down at church means there's a funeral.  Loud shouting noises up by the ball court means kids are playing soccer.  Before it was all a jumble that we couldn't even think what those noises mean, but now it's normal.

We all wanted to ride on the top of the Land Cruiser that trip....now, no thanks, I'll take the moderately cushioned, air conditioned inside of the truck, thanks ;)

*The trash.  That trip, I was looking out the window at the streets.  It had been almost 2 years since the earthquake, and for some reason I kind of thought I may still see rubble.  Maybe there was some left in some places, but I don't think we saw any in our driving.  (We did see "tent cities" left from the earthquake then, which we really don't see now).  I think what we saw was just the trash from daily living in the city.  It is still a little shocking, but now we know that it does occasionally get cleaned up...sometimes by wheelbarrow and shovel, other times by excavator and dump truck :(

*When we came, we went to the local market one morning.  There were boxes of frozen, thawing chicken, with flies landing on them.  I couldn't imagine eating something that was bought from under a stand on the ground of that old river bed.  But now, each week on Madam Ino's grocery list is poul.  I know very well where those chicken legs come from.  But she cleans them with citrus fruit, boils the meat, and then fries it, and I don't think there's anything left to hurt us after that :)  We even go so far as to enjoy eating the "roadside" food....the stands that are along the road as you travel, and we have our favorite places....by the roundabout in Cayes sells great chicken, and the stand in Aquin has great pikliz.  The rice and beans in Cavillion aren't bad either, but the stand by AFD (a food distribution warehouse) in Port-au-Prince has terrible rice but they give you tons of food.

*When we first came, it was like seeing extreme poverty.  And now our thought is, yes, they're poor.  But it's not totally excruciatingly daily sad like I'm sure some think.  And as I'm sure it is in some parts of Haiti and the world.  But we don't see little kids drinking out of dirty mud puddles.  I don't (very often) see the bones of malnourished children protruding from their bodies.  What we do see is a complex country and culture that has brokenness, that has problems that Jesus can solve.  Fatherless homes, unstable government, ease with which people take to the streets in protest, corruption and lack of follow-through in the police force, importing of so many goods and thus decreasing the ability of the country to keep it's money among itself, the belief that if something is different it won't be used.  The one thing that I keep coming back to that seems defining to me is whether or not someone is able to go to school.  When a 14 year old girl comes to my door asking for help with going to third grade, I feel like this is a legitimate needy situation.

*The, "how do these people survive/what do they do" question is slowly being answered in our minds.  In a lot of ways, they're a lot like us.  Although the numbers say that the unemployment rate is 80% in Haiti, that doesn't mean that only 20 out of 100 people are working.  What we see is that that number is the amount of people who draw a monthly paycheck.  There are lots of other ways to make a living that probably aren't counted....selling food by the road, driving a motorcycle "taxi" to take people to market or the next town, selling vegetables or clothes or personal care items at the market, going door to door selling fruits, selling gas along the road for the motorcycles, having a motorcycle repair "shop", selling little snack crackers to hungry school kids, or cold drinks to hot travelers.  Those with freezers sell ice to those selling drinks, or have chicken for sale in the places without electricity on the off-market days.  People cook, clean and watch the children of those who go to a job.  Others take in laundry, some iron, or sew.  Others do woodworking and make furniture. Then there are the paid jobs...teachers, nurses, doctors, translators, chauffeurs, restaurant owners, radio announcers, pastors, stockers at grocery stores.

*I never realized how far out in the boonies the hospital is.  In some way, we thought all of Haiti was the same....just plain poor and that they had nothing like what we have at home.  We've come to realize there are the same differences as at home between country/city, just maybe more magnified since travel is not as quick and easy as it is at home.  Here, Port au Prince has all the restaurants, grocery stores, night life, etc etc etc.  Here in Bonne Fin we have the Hospital.  And church.  And.....yeah, that's pretty much it.  It's becoming easier to see how little we have to offer those who are used to a higher lifestyle who come here to work and then leave to go back to their homes when their work week(s) are over.

*When we came that time, I remember talking to a nurse about the President who had been recently elected, Martelly.  He was saying how this new president would give the children free education, but yet talked about taxes as though he didn't have to pay them.  And I wondered how you can provide such good things when there's no revenue for the government.  Now five years later, a presidency served without much to show that we can see visibly, a failed election last year, an interim president for a year, and Haiti just had elections again Nov 20th.  Last night the announcement was made officially that one candidate, Jovenel Moise, won the election (even though it was just the primaries) with 55.6% of the vote.  There is lots of protesting over this announcement, and from an article I read, they have until Dec 29th to contest him as a winner.  We hope Haiti can have safe and successful elections this time, and a president with integrity and ability to help the people.  Read more in this Washington Post article.

*So now, we are extra thankful for things in America like taxes, our local police force who are heroes to respond to each call for help and walk into dangerous situations (contrary to the popular cultural ideas going on right now), public school systems (and the ability for people to homeschool - that's not even recognized here).

*Bugs, spiders, rats, geckos, roaches, tarantulas.  We have them all, and sometimes in our house (well, never a rat yet, thankfully).  They don't hardly faze us anymore, unless they're hiding and you find them when you almost step on them and then you about break a hip.  Geckos are generally all over, and are the least scary.  But other times, here is what we are found saying, "Oh, huh, there's a roach.  I think it's dead."  Or, "There goes a rat in our yard."  Ants in the sugar?  Depending on the ratio, the availability of sugar, and the length of time to the next shopping trip, sometimes the ants are just extra protein :)  I hope all my friends stay my friends after saying this :/

*Malaria pills.  I remember this being a big ordeal when we were preparing to go, deciding if we needed to take them or not, getting them, having to remember to take the nasty chlorine tasting things.  When we moved, we didn't take any malaria medication, as it would not be good to take this for years.  We learned papaya can help prevent malaria, and for a while drank a lot of papaya mint tea.  David recently got rotten sick with a recurring fever (symptoms of malaria) for several days.  They never tested him, but just gave him the two day medication to treat malaria, and he's better now.  I guess we won't know for sure, but he probably did get malaria.

*The heat.  We were pretty warm when we came to Haiti that first time.  But little did we know it was approaching Haiti's winter.  As I write, it is 77 degrees in our house, overcast, the wind is blowing in the windows, and I have slippers on and am thinking about getting some long sleeves.  Generally our house is around 80 degrees or over, and is totally comfortable (with no AC, just fans).  We have for sure acclimated, prefer to be hot than cold, and are pretty sure we will freeze to death when we go through our first winter back in the States.

*The Hospital staff.  Thinking about it now, there aren't many people I remember from that first week.  Maybe 5 people that we worked closely with.  Now it's so different, and so nice that we can know a lot of the staff that works at the hospital, and in the community.  I love learning that "Oh, that is her brother!  Really!?  How interesting."  Those are the kind of connections that make you feel like it's a little more like home.

Some of the work team and the translators that worked with us.

*The Hospital is soooo much different now.  When we were here, it was just in the beginning stages of renovation.  The OB ward had just been re-done and was curtained off, not even in use yet.  The Pediatric ward was where they had the (I think) one OB patient, or at least very few patients.  Now, our OB ward is bustling, sometimes filled to overflowing, as are lots of the other wards from time to time.  The renovations are nearly complete in the entire hospital!  The care that is given seems to be better too.  I don't see the amount and severity of wounds like we did when we came that week.  It's really good to see how things have changed in 5 years.  It's taken lots and lots of work, lots of people, and there's still tons to do the more you look.

Just a slight disaster mess ;)

*Administration.  When we came here in 2011, Sheila was the only full time missionary here at the hospital.  She was doing all the jobs....and it was so much...too much for one person.  Daryl was coming down a week each month to lead construction teams.  Shortly after we came on the work team, others started moving to Hospital Lumiere full time.  Each person has had a big piece in helping make this hospital what it is today.  It is simply a huge project.  Right now, we are for sure not back to where we were in Nov 2011, but our administration staffing is below sufficient.  I believe I can speak for all of us here, that it is hard and adds significant stress and a lot of things fall through the cracks because there just isn't time to do everything.  Please pray that God will continue calling and sending those to help us, and that people will be willing to answer and come!

*The last thing that comes to mind is the work team experience itself.  When we went on this trip, David was just finishing his Paramedic degree, and things were pretty tight.  We thought we had budgeted for the trip, but when the count came in, it was about twice what we thought it would be.  We didn't even have a credit card with a limit high enough to buy the tickets :)  We were also concerned about spending all that money and getting to Haiti and feeling like we weren't really doing anything.  All that to say, we as humans use our human eyes to see things.  God saw a lot bigger picture.  We did not know that 5 years later, we would be living here.  But God did and I think He used that trip as part of His plan.  So, to those who have thought about work teams but maybe have reservations - not sure if they are "needed", financial worries, thoughts that it may not be a good experience, or that it's just not your "thing"....there are many, many reasons - I encourage you to think and pray about visiting one of Harvest Call's missions.  The ACHC missions desire the involvement - need the involvement - of the whole church.  A work team, a visit to encourage one of the families living at the mission, joining an "awareness tour", bringing your family on a "vacation"....whatever it looks like, I think God can use it and bless it.

Going to Haitian Kindergarten

Orrin is a student in a French school :)  Sound impressive?  I don't know if it's impressive, but I'm sure pretty excited that he's going and proud of our big, brave boy!

Right around the time school let out last year, I started thinking that maybe Orrin could go next year.  He would be four years old, and it would give him something to do from 8-noon every day.  Other than going up to the hospital and the occasional visit to Platt's to jump on the "tramp", it can go weeks without going anywhere or doing much away from home activities.  So this may be a good way for him to wear off some energy, make some more friends, and hopefully REALLY learn Creole!

I talked to the school director about it, saying that Orrin doesn't speak much Creole yet, that we would be gone until mid-October, and that I didn't know if he'd even stay if I sent him!  She said it was ok, he could come, so we started making preparation.

First, we started by telling Orrin.  "When you're four, you're going to go to school with Kenny!"  His eyes lit up, and he was so excited.  We have found that setting a date, and prepping him for it has worked well in the past....potty training, pumping on the swing....maybe it would work for school too.

I asked the tailor that I know if he could buy material for Orrin's uniform and sew it.  He went to Cayes and bought the fabric, and took measurements.  The fabric for two sets of uniforms cost about $10, and the sewing cost about the same.

Madam Ino's son is the president of the Gai Foyer school board.  He bought Orrin's books (for 125 gds...or about $2) while we were on furlough.  Madam Ino gave us the books when we got back, saying she had taken them out of her house to her son's house with some other things during the hurricane to try to keep them dry.

When the tailor came with Orrin's uniforms, he was so excited and was carrying them around showing everyone in the house and on skype with the grandparents :)  We took it as a good sign....

The school had hurricane damage, so it wasn't open when we got back to Haiti.  It took a few weeks for the repairs and clean-up to get done, so school started on Monday, Nov 7th.  The cost for the school year is 3,750gds, or around $56 US.

Over the summer, Kenny's mom decided to send him to the MEBSH church school that's really close to the Gai Foyer school.  We were a little nervous that Orrin would not want to go without someone he knew.  So we asked Madam Ino's granddaughters (who he knows) to come walk him to school that first day.

We prepped his school bag with his books, a notebook, pencils, crayons, and a package of crackers and sippy cup of water.  We prepped him by talking about things he may encounter.  Like only eating his snack when the other kids eat.  Or learning to sit and be quiet.  Or peeing by a tree on the bathroom break :D  We prepped him that the girls would come and get him for school, and that when he came home, he would have a treat.

The morning of school, he ate a humongous breakfast of eggs.  David usually leaves for work around 7:15, but this morning he stayed to see Orrin off to school.  He helped Orrin get dressed in his uniform, and had a prayer for Orrin to have a good day at school, adding that it was special that he could go to school.  When the girls knocked on the door around 7:45, he opened the door and was running out.  We took some pictures, and watched him hold their hands on the way down the path and to the school yard.  He lined up with the other 136 kids to say the pledge of allegiance and sing the national anthem and then off he went into the house-sized, five room school without a look back.

Our house is right on the other side of the "fence" from school.  All morning long, I kept looking out the window to see if I could see him, or waiting to hear him come through our door and say he was done.  By 10:00, I had seen him washing his hands after the teacher's aid poured water out of a bucket onto his hands.  That must have been the bathroom break.  Then he went back inside the school.  Then recess came, and he came home...to ask for a drink refill.  But he went right back and stayed the whole day.

When the bell rings at noon, either David or I go down and pick him up and walk him home (since he obviously isn't capable of doing that himself lol ;) ).  Then he comes home and eats lunch, tells us what happened, and gets a treat...some chips, ice cream, juice, or a trip up to Platt's to jump on the tramp.

It's been about two weeks since he started school, and he usually does pretty well.  If you ask him how school is, he will say, "Pretty much good" and then tell you all about it.  The second and third days were kind of rough.  I told him he could cry if he's sad, but he can't yell for me like he did the second day :(  So after that, he's done fine.  I walk him down, put him in line, then go back up and watch him from the yard until he goes into the school.  He usually makes it home a few times to get more drink, give me his cracker wrapper, tell me about the kids who are pushing him, or ask what we are doing tonight :)

Last Thursday, Eric and Jami's family was back at the hospital visiting (!) and we had them over for breakfast.  After breakfast, he got dressed in his uniform and left to go to school with them still at our house playing toys. He made it back to the house once (for his belt) while they were still there, and he put on his belt and headed right back to school.  So he really must enjoy it or find some fulfillment in it.

He has come home speaking a few more words in Creole.  He said he told his teacher, "M bezwen pipi (I need to pee) and she took me outside."  Or we practiced saying "Kouman ou rele (what's your name)?" He said he asked a few kids their names after that.  The other day he was singing a line of a song they were singing in school, so he must be picking up something.

I went to school with him one day for about an hour to try to help him understand what is going on, and tell him what the teacher wants him to do.  The room is split into two classes, filled with kids from Cassia's age (yes, it's really daycare...not school) to Orrin's age.  Orrin's teacher, Veleine, sits at a small desk in the corner of the room, and was individually helping out each student do a page in their workbook, occasionally looking over her shoulder and trying to lead a song for the rest of the class to sing along with.  While they wait, the kids sit in their chairs, talk a little, cry, fall over in their chairs, or go out to pee.  There is a teacher's aid who sits by the door of the room and helps right tipped over chairs and take kids out to the bathroom.  On the other side of the room, the 2nd year kindergartners are having their writing lesson, and since I didn't know what was up, I asked Orrin if he wanted to try.  He said yes, and so the teacher said he could.  He went up to the chalkboard and tried to write the cursive letters.  The teacher then told me that he will learn them in his class before going to the next class :) so I guess he was supposed to only watch the one teacher.  I think I finally figured out how these kiddos sit so long and so good in church....from 3 years old, they're used to sitting and waiting for the teacher, with nothing to do but tossing a hairbow back and forth across the table.

When it was Orrin's turn to work in his workbook, he was glad to get to do something :)  He was to put dots on the watering can to make the second picture look like the first.  He was making huge circles, so his teacher erased his work and had him do it over again.  Then we went back to sit down.  He intermittently plugged his ears when the volume level went from a dull roar to a full roar.  (Taking after his grandpa G I think....)  After all the kids were finished, the teacher lifted a tiny girl onto a tall chair and the whole room was taught the names of the head, forehead, eyes, cheeks, mouth, tongue, teeth, and tears in French.  Then there were a few more songs, and a prayer and the bell rang and it was done!

We are so proud of our big boy and how well he has done in going off into a place where he can barely understand and with lots of strangers.  We hope he continues to go, to learn Creole, and make some good friends and memories!

Crackin' Me Up

The knocking at the door was insistent.  Loud, hard, a lot.  Seriously, I’m coming.  “M’ap vini!”  At my door is an older man and a young, 9 year old girl.  I’m pretty sure they don’t belong together.  He holds out a bowl and takes off the red cloth, showing me the militones and korosol he wants to sell.  “Was the gate locked?” I ask.  “Yes,” he says.  “Then why did you come?”  “I was knocking on the gate a lot, and she” – he points to the girl, “showed me through into the yard.”  David questions him, “Through the little gate?”  “No, through the hedge.”   Unreal.  David responds that when the gate is locked, we don’t want people coming into the yard.  “Wi, se konsa, mesi,” he responds.  “Yes, that’s true, thanks.”  Then he went a little too far.  Tapping his hand on the palm of the other hand, and alternating this rapidly several times, he said the meaning of the gesture.  “It’s not my fault.  She showed me.”  The gesture, the words, the probable broken, recently-repaired fence, and the lack of respect for privacy gave an edge to David’s voice.  “Yes, it is your fault.  She is a kid.  You are an adult.” 

From time to time, Orrin used to ask me, “Mom, are they crackin’ you up?”  I know he was not using the saying correctly, but it’s kind of funny.  Yes, son, sometimes they are crackin’ me up.  Or driving me crazy.

There are lots of lessons I’ve learned about giving since I moved here.  Giving with love, because many times I’ve given and still continue to give without love.  Speaking the truth in love, because many times I have “answered roughly” to the poor, as the Bible says.  To think no evil, especially when I’m so quick to distrust what people are telling me.  I mean, I know not every child in Haiti is mother-less!  There are a lot of days I wish I had a truth meter.  I feel like if I could see someone who was truly suffering, truly starving, I would help with a heart full of compassion.  If around me there were eight year olds who weighed 30 lbs and were starving.  If I knew that the mom was homeless and had no other options than selling herself on the street, I feel like I would try so hard to do what I could.  But I know that would be a huge struggle, seeing real, critical needs and not being able to help everyone.  Here, I know life is difficult.  But I also feel like it’s possible.  Maybe not the quality of life that is desired, but I feel like I don’t see starving people.  So this is my struggle here.  Struggling with myself to try to see the needs, to feel the compassion, to have the right attitude.  These are the raw, honest failures of mine.

Marie (names changed) sees me step outside to check on the kids.  The gate is locked and so she is standing on the other side of the fence, waiting.  “What do you have?” I ask.  She motions me over.  I sigh, put on shoes, and walk over.  She tells me what she has.  I look at the grenadias that look like they’re soon to spoil.  How much, I ask.  She names a price that is 8 times what is right.  I counter offer.  Twenty gouds, or around 45 cents.  She wants 50.  I say no thanks, 20.  She asks for 25.  “I have 20,” I tell her, “and the 5 gourd coin that you told me the other day is no good.”  It was dirty.  She tells me she’ll take it.  “It’s ok today?” I ask.  “Wi.” Yes. 

Gerald came to ask for money to finish buying his motorcycle.  The owner was leaving for the States the next day, and he had to go down the mountain to sign the papers that day.  He needed 2,500 gourdes or around $50.  We were in the middle of a landscaping project, and were lacking enthusiasm.  Here, you can plant this tree today and come back tomorrow to do some more work on the landscaping, we’ll give you the 500 gds, then we’ll loan you the rest.  It was a fair deal, we wrote up a little paper showing the few months that he was supposed to come and pay the money back in, and off he went to finish buying his moto.  The week went by and he didn’t come.  I finished the landscaping.  He came by a week or so later and said he had been in an accident and couldn’t work.  I told him he could come back when he was better.  Then a week or so later he showed up and said he had been sick and couldn’t come.  He finally came one evening as we were preparing to go out, so I showed him a little work, and left him to it.  He came and paid the first month’s payment.  A little later, we were talking at a meeting, and his name came up.  And it appeared that his last little bit of money he needed to pay for the moto had been paid to him by a few of us J  Not too surprising, but a little depressing.

Gade sa ou ka fè pou mwen.  “See what you can do for me.”  It’s a common phrase I hear at my door.  Someone who comes and wants food, or money, or laundry soap, or help with school, or shoes, or sometimes they just tell me to give them something.  “What?” I ask.  “Anything.” 

The almonds were in season in July and August, and were raining out of the trees.  If you were standing under the tree talking to someone, you would invariably get hit on the head.  They littered the yard, and Emanier would rake up buckets full each week when he worked, and throw them away.  I started talking to Madam Ino about them.  She said her sons used to crack them when they were younger.  They would sell the almonds to some of the missionaries here, or make cookies.  I asked why no one was coming and gathering the almonds and cracking them and selling them to me….or by jingo, eating them.  Why in the world would you walk over perfectly good food to come to my door to ask me for food??  I’m totally good with giving you food if you need it, but why not take what’s available?  Then I asked Madam Ino why no one makes almond cookies.  Why doesn’t she make them and take them to market and sell them?  She said no one would buy them…they don’t know what they are.  (Insert an American who loves trying new foods pulling their hair out here).

Daniel wanted to plant some beans, so instead of giving him money, we gave him a bag of beans.  A while later, he was back, asking for money to help pay the people who worked in his field J  Then a while later, he was back asking for more beans.  We asked what happened to the beans we had given him.  He did the same hand signal for “not my fault.”  “The rain didn’t fall,” he told us.  “They didn’t grow.”  This is something we struggle with a lot.  Especially with people we know live by water or a stream.  We know you can’t carry water to water a whole field, but why not water what you can?  And they always say, “I have nothing to do.  I sit.  I need a job.”  We don’t understand why if there’s nothing to do….why not at least water your plants so you have food?

There is a young boy who comes very often, who always complains of being hungry, was not respectful, and who said his dad couldn’t work because he had a foot problem.  I finally asked to talk to his dad, and one Saturday they came to our house.  His dad has two club feet.  Why is it easier now to give him some food when I see him?  Does it matter?

There’s another young woman who I’ve gotten acquainted with recently.  She had a baby the same day as Cassia, and often comes to tell me that she doesn’t have food for her kids, or that she wants to start a business, but doesn’t have the money.  When the hurricane came, she said her home was destroyed, and her and her family was living at a church.  She didn’t have any money to fix up their house.  Her family is her grandmother, a few sisters, and her kids.  There are no men in the picture, no men to help provide daily necessities, none to help repair the house, none to help make charcoal from the fallen trees to make some money, and none to help her raise her kids.  The brokenness is so sad. 

We have been lied to over and over.  We have stopped believing people because they tell you that they lost everything in the storm – completely – but they use the same words to tell you that Haiti lost all of its trees, which looking right behind them as they talk, you can see that didn’t happen.  So we stop trusting.  We stop believing.  We can listen to someone tell you that their house has been knocked down and everything is gone, or a young kid comes and tells us that they have nothing to eat, and we look at them and just don’t believe it.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been asked by many to help rebuild their houses, to get them a tarp, a plastic tote, a suitcase, and bookbags.  I’ve been asked to take someone’s baby because the mom came and brought him to the dad and left him.  I’ve been asked to help host someone’s wedding by finding a dress and probably paying for the whole thing.  We have had our yard man suggest a passage of scripture to read at the lunch table, and (once again) it was a story about the rich giving to the poor.  I was asked to buy a young man a smartphone because he said I told him I would help him buy one, and he doesn’t have a phone to call his mom…after I had seen him talking on a nice smartphone while out walking earlier in the day.  I was asked to help pay for a girl to go to the hospital because she didn’t have the $2 to go to the hospital.  Then she wanted me to help pay for her to go to another town to get treatment.  I was asked to give someone more food because the food I had given her she shared with other people.  I gave her a bit, and then a few minutes later, her cousin came and told me the same story J

These are the kinds of situations that come to us so often.  The opportunities that daily come knocking at our door.  And I confess, that a lot of times, I am more annoyed than anything.  Annoyed at the knock at the door at 6:30 am, annoyed at the fourth knock in a period of 5 minutes from the kids playing in my yard and all they want is a drink of water or to tell me they’re leaving, or the third time I get pulled away from my sink full of dirty dishes.  Or the knock that comes right when we sit down to supper.  I leave my table laden with food, and am annoyed to see the young girl who comes nearly every day to ask for food.

Trying to figure out the giving thing has been one of the top five most stressful things being down here.  It has brought so many conversations, hunts through Bible verses, whispered prayers, heaved sighs, tears, frustration. 

Then I hear my preschooler heave a sigh when the knock sounds, and leave the couch from the book we were reading together.  I know he learned that from me and I am ashamed.  When I think of the food that’s on my table and that they may not eat tonight, I feel ashamed.  When I think of the good job my husband can go to every day, and lack of steady income jobs here, I am ashamed.  When I think of the hard work these people do hauling water, washing laundry by hand, walking miles to market, and I throw my load of laundry in my machine each day, I am ashamed.  When I think of how Jesus would look at all the stuff He gave me, and how unwilling I am to share with the faces that come to me personally, I feel ashamed.  I ask God forgiveness so much more down here than I ever did back home, because, wow, I feel like I fail so much so often. 

For a while we were able to just say, “I don’t speak Creole.”  Now that’s changed, and we can understand the story.  We can hear the two sides of the story from the mom and daughter and son who alternately come to the house.  The mom borrowed money to get the son out of prison, and now the lender is going to call the police to get the money from her.  Then the son starts being abusive at home and the sister fears for herself and her kids after he hit one of the children.  She stays at different people’s homes, and then wants to build a little shelter.  She builds part of it, and then her brother throws rocks at it and tears it down.  He says he didn’t do it.  He feels like he has mental problems, but doesn’t have the several hundred dollars to pay to travel to Port, see a Psychologist, take tests, pay for medication.  They can’t make any money because they can’t work in their garden together due to the son’s mental illness.  When you can understand at this level, it’s tough.  It’s tough to know if you should help, how to help, and then there’s always the lingering question….is this the truth?  But does it matter?  There is so much wrestling.  So, so much wrestling. 

A lot of people come asking for jobs.  We prefer to have someone do a job and pay them if they need money, rather than just handing money out the door.  It feels a little better.  There are lots of people who come to David asking for work, but he can only hire so many.  Sometimes he will call me and say there’s a person up at the hospital who is looking for work…do I have anything for them to do?  We find odd jobs…cleaning the steps that go up our hill to the Hospital, washing chair cushions, planting flowers, or cutting down coconuts.

The issue of giving complicates relationships.  It makes me very insecure in friendships, as this is always something that may come up….what we can do when there is a need.  Also, I get so weary.  I want to minister to the soul and spirit, not just to the stomach and pocket. 

Furlough gave us a little time away to gain perspective.  Yes, we are in an agricultural community, and they can grow some crops, but it realistically won’t provide food for every day, and money to send 6 kids to school, along with medical bills and a house, etc.  So yes, people do have hunger here.  They do need a boost sometimes.  When I see the daily flow of people at my door, I begin to think that I’m being asked to care for the whole of Bonne Fin.  But stepping away has made me realize that I probably only see a small percentage of the people.  There are a lot of people out there just going about with their lives and not coming to me to ask for things.  We also realized in various conversations with others back home, that there are lots of other situations that people go through with giving….with their family, neighbors, co-workers, or other community people they are trying to reach out to.  These situations are usually never easy, clear-cut, or have fast solutions.

Language used to be our most constant prayer request.  Now that this seems to be at a point where we can get by, it’s still on our list, but now the giving is moving to the top.  Or more accurately, our attitude while giving.  That we would give with love, that we would treat others with respect.  We plead for you to pray for us that we can have wisdom.  There will always be needs, true needs, if we can stop judging and see them clearly.  We need wisdom to know how to help, how much to help with, and how to love as Jesus does.  The more I see and experience, the more amazed I am at the character of our Lord and Savior.  How pure His love is, and how un-human this is.  How loving of a God we have, that He loves the poor and those who don’t have anything.

“The poor is hated even of his own neighbor:  but the rich hath many friends.  He that despiseth his neighbor sinneth:  but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.”  Proverbs 14:20-21.

There is such an opportunity here when that knock sounds.  I can heave a sigh, and have Orrin ask if they’re crackin’ me up, and model for him what selfishness is.  Or I can think of this as an opportunity that would be so much harder to find in the States – and try show my children what Christ-like giving should look like.  To daily model loving others, cheerful giving, gracious sharing with those in need, and having compassion on the poor and the orphan and the widow.  

The Strength of Joy

It's been less than a month, and the furlough honeymoon is wearing off.  As we look ahead to the next year, we are getting discouraged.  And we don't want to be like this.  A year ago, I remember saying, "We're glad to be here."  And it was true.  We were glad to be where we knew we were supposed to be.  But ever since the unrest this summer, a lot of cumulative stress has made us....weary.  We still want to be here where God wants us, but we want to be excited again.  We want to find that spark.  We want to go on in joy.

I don't want to appear complaining about how hard our life is....because we have so many more blessings than a lot of the world.  And our trials here are not necessarily worse or harder than anyone's back home.  But here are some of the challenges, uphill battles, and things that slowly wear away at our feelings of "we're glad to be here."  

David is being stretched thin at work with being under-staffed and getting more responsibilities.  And some times his management responsibilities can get pretty stressful.  Ever present is the feeling that we are expected to be the solver of everyone's problems, and it's our fault when we say no....community electricity, providing food, tarps, you name it to people (more in depth about the needs that come to us coming soon).  

Another facet is the desire or need to "get away" and have a break.  Although we have had lots of really good times and neat experiences here, it is complicated.  We take a walk around the hospital on a nice evening and get asked for things, and then feel like it's better to stay home and be out of sight/out of mind.  We want to go on a date, to get away and have a good marriage-building experience....have some fun, talk, leave kids....but it's not that simple.  We don't want to leave our kids all the time with others in the same situation as us, needing their own down time.  If we want to go out - and at least the road is passable again - you never know when there will be a roadblock or manifestation.  Going to the beach together is generally a really good time, but can be pricey and there may be people come try to sell you stuff or just sit there and watch you.  And life seems different now than it was a year ago.  The "climate" seems to have changed in the country....more unrest which makes it more stressful to go places, and obviously things changed with the hurricane too.  I had been looking forward to going just down the road to a restaurant for breakfast together, but the storm took out most of the building.  We have a great idea to go to Cayes on a date, but right now, it hardly feels safe.  A few days in Cayes last week there was violence over the distribution of relief supplies and probably lies associated with them.  There was the "perfect spot" restaurant that we discovered a year ago, but the owner was killed several months ago, and we don't know if it's even open anymore.  Port au Prince has had increased violence since this spring, and it makes you wonder if it's worth it to make the trip.  (Or sometimes things happen like a day last week...you're finally having a good visit - in English! - with someone on a work team, and your kid pukes all over your lap and ruins your anticipated social plans for the evening).  We know that our time here gives us a lot of "family time" which we are enjoying, and when we want to have a date, we have to be creative :)  Any ideas for at home dates???

This weekend, we each took turns watching kids so we were able to have some good, solid, alone devotional time.  We both came out feeling really refreshed.  I studied joy in the Bible, and it was so amazing how nearly all of the verses about joy were just directly correlated to God alone.  In God, there is joy.  The verse in Nehemiah, which states, "...the joy of the Lord is your strength" was really encouraging to us.  If we seek out God, and love Him with everything, He will give us joy, and that joy will be our strength to go on.

We don't need to have a great day every day, but right now the piling up is making us feel worn out and in a rut.  We don't want to get to a crisis point of being burned out, or leave with a negative attitude, or just spend the rest of our time here not caring anymore.  We ask that at this time in our journey, would you please pray for us that we would again find the joy of the Lord that would be our strength to do and be what He wants us to be.

Ps 43:4  "Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy:  yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God."  

Furlough Bucket List

We went back to the States with quite a few items on our bucket list....some of them got checked off easily and fully and with much satisfaction, but others, well....a lot of things just didn't go as planned :)  But that's ok.  We still had a very full and fulfilling furlough, and came back hopefully a little more renewed and with lots of good memories.

The first thing on our furlough bucket list was just to GET there! :)  We were really ready to come back for furlough and see family and friends and get away a while.  Yes, I actually did get an app for this...

Our next bucket list item was to start when we got off the airplane.  We were going to head out of the Bloomington airport parking lot in a van with kids in carseats, and hop across the street to eat wings.  But....after a middle of the night departure to make our 8am flight, our flight from Port was delayed right away :(  So we finally got settled that we would like to just have tickets to Chicago, please, and don't worry about getting us to the far reaches of the earth to get us to Bloomington that night, thanks.  David's parents came and got us at Chicago with a van with carseats, and we did have a nice supper on the way home :)

A little unsure about the whole carseat thing....

We did get her in, but sometimes it took a little persuading on long trips...which resulted in slight disaster but a quiet car.

Eat at Chipotle once a week.  I knew this was kind of unrealistic, but oh my, it sounded like a really good idea.  This one got kaboshed as soon as our first flight got canceled, because there would be no Chipotle after the wings, and there were no plans to be back in the area of one in the next few days.  Week one was out, so I didn't have to keep up anything, although we did enjoy some really yummy steak/rice/bean/cheese/sour cream/lettuce filled burritos a few times.

Go swimming with the cousins before school starts.  Nope.  I got sick like the day after we got back, so that got cancelled and it was not very warm and sunny after that anyway :(  Maybe next year....

Camp over Labor Day Weekend with the Zimms.  Check!  We missed out last year, so we pretty much planned our furlough dates around camping (not really, but kind of ;) ).  It was a good time with family, relaxing, fishing, playing, and lots and lots of eating.

Orrin went fishing with grandpa one time, and gpa said Orrin talked the whole time which is not surprising...  Started with the disciples fishing and ended at the Cross :)

Don't worry about kids sleeping.  Mostly check.  I determined this furlough that I wasn't going to let our kids' bad furlough sleeping habits dampen our enjoyment.  They will get fixed again...eventually :)  There were a few times though where it was really hard to keep that resolution.....

Like when we were camping and Cass and I slept in the van.  This was her in the middle of the night....GO TO SLEEP!!

Asleep early one morning after a hard night of playing :-P

LOVE footie jammies on babies so I think we started using them in August :)!

"Bed," she said.  "Hahaha, bed," she said.  At 2:30am.  Exact quotes.

Driving the kids around in the wee hours of the night because Cass woke Orrin and he wouldn't sleep either.

Discussing Lego plans at 3am.

But thankfully, there was usually Grandpa and Grandma up in the mornings to take care of the littles when they woke up at the crack of dawn.  And we just kept sleeping blissfully.  Another check.  To sleep in.


Go to the Omaha Zoo with the Luthi family.  Check.  We were able to be at my U Brad and A Danette's for supper one night, and they had some pretty fun toys to play with.

If you won't drive fast, then just give me the wheel!!

Ewww, the elephants stink, mom!

Big safari girl with lions right behind!!

So much fun at the IMAX!

Getting spoiled by grandpa and grandma!

Spend lots of time with grandpas, grandmas, cousins and friends and family.  Check.  We had a lot of good times!!  Don't have pictures to document all of our times with friends, but we did do a lot of visiting!!!

We met my parents in Peoria a few times, it has a lot of fun stuff to do and is a good meeting point.

We got to go to a Haiti Lifeline benefit with Dad and Mom Z and other people from Oakville.  It was a really nice event and we got a ton of amazing food cooked by chefs from Chicago, served at Slagel farms.

Our out of town potluck...getting lots of kids and still a lot of fun!!

Jenna was back in Illinois and we got to see her for a half hour :)  Fun to have girls the same age!

Spending time with Lindz...so needed that!  We even got to do a little star-gazing, which was a highlight!
Spent lots of time with lots of good friends, but I guess I didn't take enough pictures :(

Met our Haiti friend Leah for supper...really great to see her again!

Orrin and Brielle sneaking off to have a romantic walk by the river :)

We went to our friends' William and Melissa's to visit, and they had birthday cake for Orrin!  He was a little shy and only ate a little, but Cass was all about eating hers AND his!

We were in the States to meet Wes and Kinsey's new baby Eva.  Cass LOVES babies!!

Go boating with Stephen.  Check.  It was a somewhat chilly day in September, but we went to Clinton Lake where the water is warmed by a nuclear power plant, and so the water was nice.  We had a lot of fun relaxing, tubing, swimming, and the guys tried out wakeboarding.

A fun day with the brothers.

 Do fun American things with the kids.  Check.  We went to a homecoming parade, the Orpheum Children's Museum in Champaign, library story hour, got a happy meal at McD's, and went to the park a lot.  Life was pretty much great.

Orrin wasn't sure what the library story hour was about at first, but he really had a lot of fun and still talks about it.  It will be on our bucket list for next year for sure!

Everyone was putting their names on the back of their project, and Orrin took the pen and wrote his name all by himself for the first time!!

The kids and I also met my mom in Peoria at the Riverfront Museum for a day.  They had fun, and then mom watched the kids while I went and took my Paramedic recert test....and passed.  So, another check!!  (whew!)

 Be able to just relax.  Check.  We kept busy and did a lot of fun stuff, but we managed to have down time too.  Just being at home with the family is some of our favorite times.

Waiting for some cookies.

Helping grandma make applesauce.

Hanging out in the evenings...tonight having fun with cell phones :)

There were two rats in the van's engine, and Roxie killed one.  Orrin ran inside to get his gun, ran back out, and said, "Got it!"

 Take Orrin to the dentist for the first time.  Check.  He was pretty unsure but mostly brave :)

Take a walk with the kids in a stroller, and not have anyone stop and ask us for money.  Uhhh...check.  Obviously, right :)

Set my cruise on the automatic car every time I drive.  Yeah, probably check.

Play hide and seek with gpa and gma in real life....not on skype!  Check!

Go garage saleing.  Yes, check :)  And to Frugality a lot.  Have to get these kiddos clothed for the next year.....

Start my laundry after 2pm.  Check and double check.  Sometimes I even started laundry after supper.  It seems like a little thing but is a pretty awesome american experience.  I put the clothes in the machine, then took them out and put them in the drier.  Then they were done.  It was kind of like a miracle.  No starting the load at 6:30 almost every day to get all the laundry done by 10am, so it can get dry before any rain comes in the afternoon.  No decisions of "should I leave the clothes on the line and hope the sprinkling rain stops, or should I take the clothes in and spread them all over my house so they dry and maybe I can get them put away before tomorrow?"

Celebrate Orrin's 4th birthday.  Check.  We were going to have both sets of grandparents at the party, but that didn't work out, and it was totally fine.  Orrin got to open gifts twice ;)  He got his Lightning McQueen semi and cars from Gpa and Gma Z and was pretty thrilled.  We had his party at G&G Gerst's.  He had a farm cake with candy corn, and his favorite gift was a big tub of Ben's old legos from U Walt and A Nola!!  So much fun!

Jealous :)

Pizza at TriOak with grandpa for Orrin's birthday.

But they were much more interested in the semis :)

Buy something off Amazon prime just to see what two day shipping is like.  Check.  Orrin was bummed his semi didn't come with the Lightning McQueen car, so we told him he could see if he got birthday money and/or work for it.  He did both....he got birthday money from Great Gma Gerst, and also helped Gma clean church and return pop cans to earn money.  We ordered his little toy car off of Amazon, and it arrived two days later.  Wowzers.

Go to Red Lobster for Endless Shrimp.  Check.  One Friday we didn't have anything going on in the evening, so Dad suggested we go there for supper :).  The waitress found out that Orrin's birthday was that week, and he got a free dessert.  They also came out and sang Happy Birthday to him, which he did not find very impressive, but we thought it was pretty funny :)

Zimm Octoberfest.  Check.  We had a really fun time together with the Zimmerman family for "Christmas".  We had lots of good food (of course), fun games, and Great Grandma got to be there too.  We played Bon Voyage where the teams of people raced to put on a clothing item in their "suitcase".  The first team done won the game.  There were a lot of crazy costumes :)  The little kids had fun playing with the clothes after the game, and grandma probably thought we were all crazy :)

Have a fire in the fireplace.  Check.  There were a few pretty chilly fall days, right??

Have a date together.  Check.  David and I got to go to Chicago without the kiddos.  It was a really relaxing trip, and a highlight of our time home.  We went on a walking food tour and experienced lots of fun Chicago-eateries, history, met new people, and had sushi for the first time.  We had planned to do a little more the next day, but we just headed home instead because David was to leave to go back to Haiti the next day.

Covered Bridge.  Nope.  We were supposed to go there the Friday before we went back, but with David gone, we just decided to skip it this time.

Spend time with Great-Grandmas.  Check.  We got to spend time with all three!  Great grandma Zimm was moved to the nursing home right before we arrived on furlough because she was really weak and sick.  She had a few ups and downs during the months, and she really enjoyed visitors :)  A few times we got to go to the nursing home for church with her.  One Sunday she got to hold Cassia on her lap in the wheelchair.  A few days later, she stopped eating and talking.  We went to visit her, and the kids were having popcorn.  She mouthed, "Popcorn."  So Cassia, who was sitting on gma's bed, started feeding her popcorn :)  She continued to go down after that, and passed away that next Sunday, the day before we went home.  We missed the funeral, but we were glad to be able to spend time with her while we were back.

Take two months in the States.  Well, almost check.  David left a week early to go back to Haiti after the hurricane.  The kids and I got the full two months.  We were glad that we made the decision for me to stay back with the kids...Cassia has a cyst that got infected the weekend we would have left, and I had to take her to the dermatologist and get it lanced and on antibiotics.  She was kind of a mess for a few days.  (And I got a bouquet of flowers out of it :) ).  We were really glad for the time we got to be on furlough, it was a really relaxing time and needed to gain a little perspective.

"When I get back to Haiti, I won't be able to help you Grandma."