The Strength of Joy

It's been less than a month, and the furlough honeymoon is wearing off.  As we look ahead to the next year, we are getting discouraged.  And we don't want to be like this.  A year ago, I remember saying, "We're glad to be here."  And it was true.  We were glad to be where we knew we were supposed to be.  But ever since the unrest this summer, a lot of cumulative stress has made us....weary.  We still want to be here where God wants us, but we want to be excited again.  We want to find that spark.  We want to go on in joy.

I don't want to appear complaining about how hard our life is....because we have so many more blessings than a lot of the world.  And our trials here are not necessarily worse or harder than anyone's back home.  But here are some of the challenges, uphill battles, and things that slowly wear away at our feelings of "we're glad to be here."  

David is being stretched thin at work with being under-staffed and getting more responsibilities.  And some times his management responsibilities can get pretty stressful.  Ever present is the feeling that we are expected to be the solver of everyone's problems, and it's our fault when we say no....community electricity, providing food, tarps, you name it to people (more in depth about the needs that come to us coming soon).  

Another facet is the desire or need to "get away" and have a break.  Although we have had lots of really good times and neat experiences here, it is complicated.  We take a walk around the hospital on a nice evening and get asked for things, and then feel like it's better to stay home and be out of sight/out of mind.  We want to go on a date, to get away and have a good marriage-building experience....have some fun, talk, leave kids....but it's not that simple.  We don't want to leave our kids all the time with others in the same situation as us, needing their own down time.  If we want to go out - and at least the road is passable again - you never know when there will be a roadblock or manifestation.  Going to the beach together is generally a really good time, but can be pricey and there may be people come try to sell you stuff or just sit there and watch you.  And life seems different now than it was a year ago.  The "climate" seems to have changed in the country....more unrest which makes it more stressful to go places, and obviously things changed with the hurricane too.  I had been looking forward to going just down the road to a restaurant for breakfast together, but the storm took out most of the building.  We have a great idea to go to Cayes on a date, but right now, it hardly feels safe.  A few days in Cayes last week there was violence over the distribution of relief supplies and probably lies associated with them.  There was the "perfect spot" restaurant that we discovered a year ago, but the owner was killed several months ago, and we don't know if it's even open anymore.  Port au Prince has had increased violence since this spring, and it makes you wonder if it's worth it to make the trip.  (Or sometimes things happen like a day last week...you're finally having a good visit - in English! - with someone on a work team, and your kid pukes all over your lap and ruins your anticipated social plans for the evening).  We know that our time here gives us a lot of "family time" which we are enjoying, and when we want to have a date, we have to be creative :)  Any ideas for at home dates???

This weekend, we each took turns watching kids so we were able to have some good, solid, alone devotional time.  We both came out feeling really refreshed.  I studied joy in the Bible, and it was so amazing how nearly all of the verses about joy were just directly correlated to God alone.  In God, there is joy.  The verse in Nehemiah, which states, "...the joy of the Lord is your strength" was really encouraging to us.  If we seek out God, and love Him with everything, He will give us joy, and that joy will be our strength to go on.

We don't need to have a great day every day, but right now the piling up is making us feel worn out and in a rut.  We don't want to get to a crisis point of being burned out, or leave with a negative attitude, or just spend the rest of our time here not caring anymore.  We ask that at this time in our journey, would you please pray for us that we would again find the joy of the Lord that would be our strength to do and be what He wants us to be.

Ps 43:4  "Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy:  yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God."